Hold On (I still love you)
by Castello
Summary: Oswald doesn't want revenge. He doesn't want to kill Ed for what he did to him. He still loves him; God help him, he still does. He wants to talk to him, try to work things out and maybe restore their friendship... but it doesn't go nearly as well as he had hoped. The fairy tales of Gotham scarcely ever have happy endings. (Warning for Dub-Con/non-con elements)


**Based off the Chord Overstreet song - Hold On**

* * *

 _When we lose someone, we remember the best parts of them._

 _Our memories erase the heartache, the hurt, the bad days and leave us longing for the good we remember._

 _We may forget how they wronged us. But we will never forget how they loved us._

 _To finally move on... is to remember the bad; is to remember it all and no longer be blinded by only our best moments with them._

 _._

"You're not really going to call him, are you?" Ivy asked, incredulous, from her seat beside Oswald.

Oswald sputtered, "I just want to see if he's okay-"

"He tried to _kill_ you."

"Yes, but-"

"But?!" She snapped, uncrossing her legs and leaning forward to glare at him, "Ozzie, why aren't you teething with hatred!? Don't you want revenge?"

Oswald blinked, staring at the phone in his hand with a sort of desperately misguided longing, "I'm upset, but... it's Ed."

"Ugh." she scoffed, falling back against her wired chair, "Men."

Oswald huffed, stood, and swept the seat of his pants with a frown, "I don't expect you to understand. You're only in love with your plants."

"I love you too, Ozzie." she smiled, "You're a good friend."

"It's different."

She sighed as he began to wobble away, "You're going to get yourself hurt."

"I'm quite used to pain." Oswald threw back over his shoulder before exiting the greenhouse.

* * *

 _"He's left you four messages already. Are you going to listen to them?"_

"No." Ed said with finality.

 _"He'll just keep calling."_

"Then he'll be too preoccupied to see anything coming."

 _"You're fooling yourself, Eddie~"_

Edward leered, "You can't trick me. I'm in control right now."

 _"Wouldn't you rather let me steer for a while? I'm much better at keeping our emotions under control."_

The Edward in the mirror grinned at him, arms crossed as he stood propped up against the wall. Ed wanted to shatter the glass again. He knew better, but it would fill a need for violence. He pushed the cell phone off the counter with the sweep of his arm before baring his teeth at his persona. "It won't matter. If I see him again, I'll kill him. This time I'll make sure he stays dead."

His reflection clicked his tongue and shook his head before raising a finger.

 _"All men have me, but all men deny me. I am created by anything but nothing can hold me. What am I?"_

"I am not _afraid_ of Oswald." Ed sneered, pointing at his alter with a bravado he didn't feel.

 _"You're lying again. I don't know why. You can't lie to me Edward. Especially not about your stupid feelings. You're too sensitive for that."_

"Why would I be afraid of Oswald?"

 _"Love is the greatest weakness in the world, and you, Edward Nygma, won't ever let yourself be weak."_

* * *

Ed pressed the gun into Oswald's temple, "What's only useful when it's broken?"

Oswald pauses, mouth opening and shutting a few times before he finally fumbles out, "An egg?"

"Your heart, Oswald." he grits, "You're only worth something when you're angry. You do your best work when you're out for revenge."

"I'm not here for revenge, Ed." Oswald promises, lifting a hand out towards Edward only to have it harshly smacked away, "I just wanted to see you."

"So you can kill me."

" _No_." he tries again, "No, Ed. That's not why-"

Edward clicks the hammer back and leans close, "I'll kill you first."

"I'm not here to kill you!" Oswald pleads, "Didn't you get my messages?"

"I never listened to them."

There's a flicker of hurt in Oswald's eyes before he brushes it away and returns to trying to reach out to Ed, "I'm not looking to get revenge. I don't want to kill you. I wanted to try to get you to see-"

"I don't love you Oswald." Edward blurts before he can stop himself. The hard steel of his eyes fades for a moment, then returns with an angry vengeance.

"Ed, I-"

"What do you want from me?" He glares, "You want me to _care_ about you? Haven't I made it obvious that I don't?"

Oswald's heart breaks. He knows Ed doesn't care, but hearing him say it out loud with such hatred makes it real.

"Do you want me to hold you? Is that it?" he continues, pressing the gun harder against Oswald's head, "So lonely that you'd look for comfort from someone like me?"

"Please... stop."

"If I fuck you will you _finally_ give up and leave me alone?"

Oswald sputters. He gapes at Edward for a moment and feels his chest rise and fall with a sudden weight. It's hard to breathe and his eyes sting, but he can't say anything. Before he can refuse him Edward is moving on the former kingpin, using the fingers curled around Oswald's throat to push him back against the wall. He struggles to pull the hem of Oswald's shirt out of his pants with a gun in one hand, but he manages. He doesn't bother with the fancy vest or the jacket, Oswald doesn't need to be completely undressed for this.

"Ed, wait."

He doesn't. Ed forces Oswald out of his finely tailored trousers and hikes him up by his bad leg, ignoring Oswald's replying hiss; it would have been worse if Ed had lifted the other one.

Oswald's thighs are pale, he notices, and the hair covering his nakedness is finely groomed. He fingers Oswald open without mercy, only a little bit of spit to ease the way, and he doesn't kiss away the pained cries Odwals makes for him. He's not sure where his erection comes from but it's there. It stands, flushed red and as angry as he is when he pulls himself out of his pants. He won't be gentle. Oswald doesn't deserve gentle.

He's only doing this to get the guy off his back, after all; he's not supposed to like it.

Edward presses his body against Oswald's to keep him in place as he brings up the other leg, Oswald's pants danglging from his ankle.

The first push in is extremely difficult and much too dry. Oswald makes distressed little noises as he goes in, inch by tantalizing inch, but it doesn't deter him. When he finally manages to squeeze in all of his girth, Ed's a little pressed for breath and Oswald sounds like he's just run a marathon.

Edward starts on a warpath as he thrusts. There's no mercy, no falter, _no forgiveness_. It's a fit of rage forced into every snap of his hips. He savors every desperate sound Oswald makes and hopes this will be his lesson. Oswald will see reason after this. There will be no coming back from such an assault.

"Ed..." Oswald blubbers, and when Ed looks down it becomes painstakingly clear that Oswald is- _has been_ -crying. The great kingpin of Gotham has been reduced to a sniveling mess in Ed's arms. It doesn't make him feel anything more than disenchantment.

He's about to pull out and just leave Oswald like that; drop him on the floor with no sense of ceremony, but Oswald wraps his arms around Ed's neck and presses their foreheads together. He still crying too much to say anything, but Ed can tell he's trying to recover enough to. Curiosity keeps him from letting go like he'd planned. He gives a few more shoves of his hips, a little slower in hopes it will help Oswald recover faster. He's staring at his face, Ed knows it, but he won't look away until Oswald says what he needs to say. _What Edward needs to hear._

"Don't..." Oswald snivels, "Please, keep-"

"Say it." Edward orders, bringing Oswald as far down onto his cock as he can before holding him there and waiting.

"Ed, _please_!"

"Say it Oswald."

Oswald's head falls against Edward's chest as he sobs out an enumeration of "I love you"s until Ed finally starts to move again.

He keeps the pace intentionally brutal, pressing Oswald's thighs to the wall so that he can thrust in and out with abandon, none of his usual finesse, "You still love me." he states cruelly, "Even though I'm doing this to you- _hurting you like this-_ you _still_ love me."

"Yes!" Oswald keens, throwing his head back against the wall with a painful sounding thunk, "I love you! I swear I do! Please!"

Edward shakes his head, "You're hopeless." he states, increasing his pace as he feels something close to an orgasm pooling low in his belly, "You're absolutely _hopeless_!"

There's only a few more seconds before he's spilling into Oswald, grunting against his neck as he does. He decides he wants to bite the bit of skin his lips graze against. He wants to sink his teeth in until Oswald bleeds and the mark will scar. When he bites, Oswald screams, and Ed wonders if he thinks he's planning to rip his throat out like this. It would be fiercely poetic, but he'd rather Oswald live with this constant reminder.

He loved and it ruined him. He ruined Oswald for loving him; because love is the ultimate weakness.

Edward slumps down onto his knees with a tenderness he hadn't intended and set Oswald carefully onto the floor. There's blood and semen seeping out of him when Ed pulls away, and Oswald is-astonishingly-still half hard, but Ed isn't going to help him. Instead he stands, straightens, tucks himself away and tugs his jacket back into place with an air of finality as he stares down at Oswald. He's just lying there, tears staining his cheeks and body beginning to curl in on itself.

A long time ago, once upon a time, Ed would have done this differently. Ed would have been kind because Oswald had meant so much to him. He still did, but not in the same way.

Oswald was his enemy, the thing that drove him to greater heights of evil; what inspired him to push his own limits. He was not Edward's friend or lover. He defined Edward as the angry person that he was. The Penguin had helped create The Riddler, and that was something he would on some level always be grateful for. This wasn't love though, and Ed would not be kind.

So he left, and didn't look back when Oswald's sobbing started up again.


End file.
